I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I didn't notice because vodka
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
