Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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