A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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