She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
