If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
