My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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