i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
