heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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