I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
