my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
