Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
