So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
