In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
