John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
