I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
