Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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