We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
