i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
