I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
