She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
