I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
