I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
