Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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