Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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