Jerry, you need to find god
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
