at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
