once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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