I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I skipped work to stalk him.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
