i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
