Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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