you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
