i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
