I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
