thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't like sucking hair
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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