dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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