Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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