P.S. I can't hear my feet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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