So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
