I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
