when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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