12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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