Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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