just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
