I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
