made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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