Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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