every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
