dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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