If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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