Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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