well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
