I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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