The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
