There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
