worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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